You get what you focus on!

“Would you tell me please, which way I go from here?”

” That depends a good deal on where you want to get to”, said the cat.

“I don’t much care where”, said Alice.

“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go”, said the cat.

Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll

Have you ever embarked on a journey to no-where in particular? Where did it get you? Maybe you enjoyed the journey even so, as sometimes the journey is more important than the destination. At other times, we would do well to plan ahead and consider where exactly we are going.

We travel a lot. In our minds, that is. We go back into the past to remember what happened there and forward into the future to imagine what might happen there. Have you ever noticed that when we visit these places in our minds we can create very different feelings? If it is a good place, then we will enjoy our visit and feel happy to be there. If it is a painful or negative place, we will feel discomfort or pain during and even after our visit. Consequently, we learn which places in our minds to avoid and in which to take refuge.

The basic rule is this: You get what you focus on! When we focus on positive events – remembered or imagined – we feel more resourceful and we experience life more effortlessly.When we focus on the past or future negatively, we mostly get more pain and struggle.We ourselves are responsible for creating our emotional (and often physical) experience, as it is a direct result of what we choose to focus on.

Which places do you visit regularly in your mind?


❯   How do you feel when you go there?

❯   What are you doing there? (Are you enjoying the experience or have you found a place to visit when you need or want to feel bad?)

❯   Is there something useful you can take or learn from those places that would allow you to move to a better place (in your mind initially and then in your life)?

❯   What would you like to move towards in your life?

❯   Where do you want to be specifically and how will you get there?

“Focus on what you want not what you fear”

Tony Robbins

If you, or someone you know, wish to focus on what you want, I can help – contact me now to find out more!

Are you taking yourself seriously?

“All my life I’ve wanted to be somebody. But I see now I should have been more specific.”

Jane Wagner, Writer and Director

Are you taking yourself seriously?

What I mean by that is do you know what really matters to you? And are you focused on those things in a way that is noticeable to yourself and others?

If so, you will:

  • Make an investment of time, money and effort in what really matters to you
  • Value your time and spending it well
  • Expect more from yourself and meet those expectations
  • Set and maintain clear boundaries with others
  • Say no more often to things that get in the way of what matters to you

If not, you will:

  • Break promises / commitments you have made to yourself
  • Wait for things to happen rather than taking action
  • Expect little of yourself and meet those expectations
  • Be reactive rather than responsive
  • Distract yourself with things that don’t really matter to you

What happens when you don’t take yourself seriously?

When you don’t take yourself seriously, you may find yourself feeling frustrated or disappointed with your experiences in life. When you don’t take yourself seriously others will do the same.

Taking yourself seriously is not to be confused with being serious. On the contrary, there will be a lot more to celebrate, including:

  • Feeling good about yourself and your achievements
  • Noticing more opportunities to take on the challenges that excite you
  • Being taken more seriously by others

In which area(s) of your life do you want to take yourself more seriously? (e.g. your health, your relationships, your work…)

What will that look like / sound like / feel like to you? (e.g. enjoying what you see when you look in the mirror, feeling grateful for the people you share your life with, hearing positive feedback on a job well done)

How soon will you begin?

What will be your first step?

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters, compared to what lies within us”.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you, or someone you know, are struggling to take yourself seriously, I can help – contact me now to find out more!

Where is your attention?

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost…I am hopeless.

It isn’t my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don’t see it.

I fall in again.

I can’t believe I’m in the same place.

But it isn’t my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in…it’s a habit.

My eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

I walk down another street.

Source unknown

Where is your attention?

We experience life according to where and how we are paying attention.
 For different reasons, our perception of the same situation can change dramatically when we change our emotional or physical state.
 Sometimes this can be a function of time, perspective and the learning that goes with it, as in the example above. 
At other times, it is simply a result of what we are paying attention to and how we see it. Is the glass half-full or half-empty?

We often ignore some of the information available to us. This is called deletion. We often attach our own meaning to what we see, hear or feel. This is called distortion. 
In an effort to save time processing new information, we can also draw conclusions based on previous experience. This is called generalisation.

All these processes change our experience of life. I believe that one of the most important skills we can develop is the awareness of how we do this. When we understand how we create our own experience of life, we are then in a position to change it – to one that serves us better and that we enjoy.


Where is your attention?

What are you ignoring?

Where are you generalising? (easy to spot with words such as always, never, etc…)

When does your view of the world change?

How might this view serve you better?

“We don’t see things as they are. We see them as we are.”

Anais Nin.

If you, or someone you know, wish to be better at paying attention, I can help – contact me now to find out more!